God I miss you. I've been pushing you to the back of my mind but you always come back, just like a disease. Just like love. I miss your predictable t-shirt and jeans.I miss your baby blue painted toes. I miss how you sunburn like a candy cane or bruise easier than me. I miss your fat cat. I miss your forever messy room. I miss sleeping on the floor with you and writing as you were peacefully asleep. I miss our pizza shopping and how we were exact opposites. I miss getting caught in the rain with you. I miss the dreadful feeling when we walked to your car and realize you got another ticket. I miss your giggly drunk laugh and staying in hotel rooms. I miss how beautifully sad your eyes look when you cry. I miss you screaming at me when I know how sick of everything you are. I miss hugging you when I know you need it. I miss our silent way of communicating. I miss that time when I told you I was afraid of you driving away because I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you and you being gone. I miss singing to you. I miss making stupid movie references. I miss the late night life changing talks we had. I miss the late night walks. I miss the moment we realize how similar we were inside. I miss how we use to always go back to each other. I miss how we lied to each other because we couldn't bear the thought of how the truth would tear us apart. I miss you knowing me more than myself even though I hated to admit it. I miss how you loved every song I played for you. I miss how you made me realize I deserved better. I miss how you were the only person who could give me advice on Matt. I miss how we would lie to our parents so we could hangout.I missed the day Marbles died.
You missed the day my Dad got out of jail.
I missed the day your mom hit you.
You missed the days I was in the hospital.
I missed the day you got in an accident.
You missed the day I was in mine.
I missed the days that he walked away.
You missed the day I really need you.
I missed the same day too.

I wish you would of been there the day Matt stopped responding.
I wish I would of been there the day things went wrong with Justin.
I wish we would of realized we needed to put ourselves aside and take care of one another.
I wish I could of realized sooner that his "I love yous" were nothing compared to yours.
I wish you knew that I think about you daily and him not at all.
I wish you would of tried as hard with me as you did with him.
I wish I could hug you one more time.
I wish I could have one last day with you, wake up tomorrow, and not remember anything.
I wish you would of calmed down when I told you.
I wish I would of never uttered those words that would hurt you where I knew it would hurt the most.
I wish loving you was enough.
I've missed you old friend.
It was real.