What the fuck? Seriously out of everyone I never thought you would be like them. And it kills me. It tears me up inside that you knew everything. You forced me to tell you everything. Calling me a silly girl if I had reservations. You went after me in the beginning. You should of just left me alone. You selfish bastard. Its funny how you made me move on from my past so quickly. I cared about you so quickly because you were like a little injured bird. You were so tragic inside. I remember when you said you needed to call me when I was at church. I walked outside to answer your call and you were frantic and just wanted me to make you feel better. Do you remember that? I do. It was my pleasure to help you. I wanted you to be able to feel close to someone and not have them take everything away from you. But i guess just the opposite thing happened to me. You use to give me advice on everything. I was weak of course. You would ignore me for a while and then just come back with strong words on how you needed me and haven't felt like this since you came back from Iraq.
What does that even mean? You haven't felt that happy? Alive? Safe? or maybe you haven't felt so dead since the war. Now that i think about you probably felt dead. No one can live such a double life without it eventually eating them up inside. I remember you told me you needed to go back to real life and i asked you "what is real life anymore Matthew? Are you being yourself with everyone else or are you real with me?" He smiled at me and gave me a wicked smile like "Damn your right." You say you cared. You said you loved me. You said you weren't like everyone else. So where are you? Bastard. I just want to smack you. But then I want to hold you.
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